Life is tough, but so are you!
If you didn't know me and you saw this girl, what is one of the first things
you would notice or assume about her just by looking at her?
Confident, beautiful, sweet, silly, caring, eager, good friend, happy, genuine, kind, crazy, loving, funny, sincere, authentic, patient, thoughtful, bright hilarious, friendly, conscientious, considerate
When I asked friends and family to use one or two words to describe me, the words above are some of the answers. Notice none of them say sad, depressed, down, broken, anxious, despair, emotional. Unless you are pretty close to me,
you would never know that I actually suffer from severe depression and anxiety. Many would never believe that I take two
kinds of depression medication daily. No one would know that that there are
many days that I literally have to FORCE myself to get out of bed and that more
days than not I physically hurt. A boyfriend even used to say that I was “too
happy” in the mornings when I would wake up! The only way I can even describe
it in a way someone can understand is: You know when you have the flu and your
whole body just aches? That’s exactly how I feel many days.
I will admit that I used to be one
of those people that said “Depression isn’t as big of a deal as people make it
out to be, they just need to get over it”, but let me tell you that if you have
never experienced what it feels like to harbor that monster, Depression, inside
you, you will never begin to understand how it feels. That wasn’t me being ignorant, that was
simply being uneducated about mental illnesses.
You won’t know what it feels like to not care if you get out of bed to
eat or drink. You will not care that you have not been out of the house or
showered in days. You will not care that
you have slept through several meals, and missed numerous phone calls from
friends and family. You won’t understand what it is like to either sleep or sit
on your bed crying uncontrollably 24/7.
I will also tell you that when you
suffer from a mental illness like Depression or Anxiety it is a vicious cycle
constantly. You know you feel bad and
someone finally convinces you that you need to get some professional help, so
you go see a doctor. They ask you all kinds of questions but you don’t even
feel like being there much answering hard questions about how you’re feeling. If the doctor thinks you are suffering from a
mental illness they will often prescribe you medication to help balance your
mood. First of all it will take several weeks to get into your system well
enough to see a change, therefore you may go through several kinds of medicine
before you find one that works for you and your body. Then you finally start to realize that you
are feeling better, it’s a little easier to get out of bed, you might even
crack a smile or laugh, something you haven’t done that in a long time! So now
you’re on medicine and you’re starting to feel better, and now your mind tells
you that you don’t need the medicine anymore so you quit taking it on a regular
basis or even at all. Now you are emotional on and off and you start this cycle
all over again.
When
I was 24 years old, I began a serious relationship with a guy that was 10 years
older than me. He had 3 children, one of which was handicap. During the 3 years that he and I were
together I had a part in raising his kids. I had grown to love more than anything. I would have done anything for these children
that were not biologically mine. During
this relationship I was constantly tormented by his ex-wife. She caused me to
have to leave my job because she would constantly come up there making a scene.
She also tried to run me off the road one night really late, and I began to
fear for my life. I ended up having to get a restraining order on her to get
any peace at all. In the end she was one
of the reasons for our breakup. Not only did I make the decision to walk away
from the man I had loved for three years, but I was also walking away from his kids
that I loved with every ounce of me. His
little girl even wrote me a letter and asked me if she could come with me and
that just broke my heart! Two weeks after we broke up things seemed to start
“spiraling out of control” in my life. My nanny had been sick for quite some
time, passing shortly thereafter. Two weeks later I lost my job (which turned
out to be a blessing in disguise), and two weeks after that my dog, Phoenix,
died. This was the first time I remember
really feeling so depressed that I just didn’t think I was going to be able to
ever get myself together. It did take me
several months to actually realize that I needed help and to seek the care of a
doctor. I am now 33 years old, almost 10
years later and I still suffer on and off with depression anxiety sometimes. I have learned to try to listen to my body,
but sometimes it sneaks up on me. Please
just keep in mind that no matter how happy and healthy someone seems on the
outside, you never know what they are really dealing with in their lives. I see all these people in the public eye that
are battling mental illnesses as well and many of them have chosen to end their
lives. I pray every day that I never get to that point. I can’t imagine feeling so bad that I would
rather not live anymore. Your life
matters, you are important to someone, PLEASE always remember that!
Mental Illness refers to a wide range of mental health conditions-disorders that affect your mood, thinking, and behavior. Examples include: depression, anxiety disorders, schizophrenia, eating disorders, and addictive behaviors.
1 in 5 adults experience mental illness in the united states. 18.1% of US adults have experienced an anxiety disorder in the past year, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the US, affecting 40 million adults ages 18 and older.
Some risk factors include (but are not limited to):
1.) Having a blood relative with a mental illness
2.) Stressful life situations (such as financial problems, death of a loved one, or divorce)
3.) an ongoing (Chronic) medical conditions
4.) Brain damage as a result of serious injury
5.) Traumatic experiences like military combat or assault
6.) Use of recreational drugs or alcohol
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